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February 26, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday, ESPN reported that the NBA is exploring the possibility of expanding the dimensions of the basketball court to accommodate the increased size and athleticism of players. “How about...
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July 3, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new national poll, Barack Obama tops the list of the worst presidents since World War II. Said President Obama, “I have a foolproof plan to get out of that top spot, and that plan is...
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August 6, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A New Hampshire state legislator, who is white, said he should be able to join the black caucus because he’s fond of rap music. But, since this is New Hampshire, first he’ll have to create the New...
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August 8, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. An 87-year-old nudist is running for sheriff of a small town in Washington state. And, if he wins, I’m guessing it’s gonna become a much smaller town. 2. A man in New Zealand whose pregnant...
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November 18, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. An Australian morning TV show anchor wore the same suit every day for a year, sometimes going weeks between cleanings. Said his co-anchor, “I still prefer this to sitting next to Matt Lauer.” 2. The...
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January 27, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A drone crashed landed on the White House lawn early Monday morning. “Good to know I’m not the only robotic droid who failed to make all the way to the White House,” said Mitt Romney. 2. According...
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February 6, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to experts, Tom Brady will have to pay $22,000 in gift tax if he wants to give the truck he was awarded as SuperBowl MVP to SuperBowl hero Malcolm Butler. Begging the question, how much...
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March 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Arizona Diamondbacks announced on Tuesday they play to sell a Churro Dog which consists of a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a glazed chocolate donut, topped with frozen yogurt and caramel...
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April 24, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Starbucks announced on Tuesday that it will open up a store in Ferguson, Missouri. As part of its grand opening, the store will run a promotion where any customer who orders a black coffee will be...
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June 12, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said if he’s elected he will roll-back President Obama’s executive orders that loosened the country’s immigration policy. Said immigrants, “If you’re elected, we’re no...
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September 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. 88 pounds of wool has been sheared from a sheep in Australia, making him unofficially the world’s woolliest sheep. The wool will be used to knit one sleeve for Chris Christie’s christmas sweater. 2....
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September 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Monday night, late night host Jimmy Kimmel welcomed guests Bill O’Reilly and Kermit the Frog on his show. One of his guests was a puppet who only does and says what he’s told to and the other was...
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March 8, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. New York City officials have ruled that starting this week, they will stop arresting people who urinate and consume alcohol in public. The official announcement was started “Attention Jets fans.” 2....
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May 20, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Republican Senator from Utah Bob Bennett on his deathbed reportedly apologized to Muslims for Donald Trump. Said Muslims, “We would have preferred the apology from Trump on his deathbed.” 2....
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August 29, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Everyday, Jose Luis Dominguez, a Mexico man walks his two kids, 7-year-old Luis and 8-year-old Kayla, across the U.S. border to school. Said Donald Trump, “That’s my nightmare, having to interact...
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October 21, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Wednesday night, Donald Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., said that his father’s pursuit of the presidency represented a “step down” from the Republican nominee’s business career. “No one said...
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January 3, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last week, Ringling Brothers Circus introduced its first female ringmaster in 146 years. And I gotta admit it’s a nice change of pace that they voted for a woman over a clown: 2. Over the weekend, a...
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May 1, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. President Trump interrupted a recent interview with Reuters to hand out printed maps of the U.S. detailing his electoral college victory. I assume, because the painters are still working on the Oval...
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May 12, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A man in Britain intentionally slept next to his wife’s dead body for six days. “Ugh, gross, who sleeps next to their wife?” said Bill Clinton. 2. A woman is reportedly suing American Airlines for...
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May 19, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands revealed that he has been living a secret double life as an airline co-pilot for the past 21 years. Not to be outdone, for the past 37 years,...
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